So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize