how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
