I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
