Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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