I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
