i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just googled if crying burns calories
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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