I want to walk on stilts...naked
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
