took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
