Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
