I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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