my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
