Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
