Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pants are for mortals
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
