Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
