he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
