I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
