She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
