were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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