someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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