Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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