My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
