Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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