The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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