At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to