Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked