My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.