Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?