She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
