The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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