This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
