Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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