hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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