He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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