The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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