I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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