Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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