my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
