I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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