no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
