I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
