thus making me awesome and them whores
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
