i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
