I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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