that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
