it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My feet surprised me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
