Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
