she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
cat food counts as protein by the way
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i've created a new STD.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
