I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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