dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
