i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
