I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if only i could text you this smell
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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