I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
thus making me awesome and them whores
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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