she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
