she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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