Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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