Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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