There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
whose parrot is this?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
