I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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