Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
