Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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