I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
