You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
