Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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