I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
