I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
