Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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