Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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