There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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