So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
