Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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