What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
