i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
