Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
