I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
