i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
