I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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