It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My pussy is not your playground.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
